Home with a Capital "H"



DeKalb Ave is a block down from my apartment.
Never too far from Home :)

 



So I've been thinking lately about a few different things that all share the common theme of "home." First off, there's home like the place that you're from. When someone asks where you're from, what do you say? Being in a new city, that's a question that I get quite a bit and my response is always the same, "I'm from an hour outside of Chicago, but I go to school in Missouri." Is it really necessary to have the addition about Missouri? Well yes, Missouri is the backdrop for the past few years of my life and my ventures into young adulthood. And while I spent the first 18 years of my life in DeKalb, it doesn't seem right to ONLY say I'm from DeKalb, period. If someone were to ask me about current events there, I wouldn't know a thing. By the time I conclude my time here in NYC, I will have been "home" once in the last year. However, when I do specify home as in my origins, I'm sure to say DeKalb or an hour west. I don't say Chicago; I'm not a false claimer, and I'm not from the city--I'm not a city girl and don't know much more about the city than a visitor.

On the other hand, I'm also sure to make it clear that I'm not FROM Missouri, because that sounds country as hell. Lol and that's not the case. But when I say "home," I'm talking about Columbia, MO 85% of the time. Like now, lately I’ve been plagued with thoughts about the things that I miss back in Columbia--things that no other place in the world has. I miss my car, I miss my bed, I miss my room, and I miss my regular life.

Russ Mitchell and at some point, on the private tour of CBS he gave my mom and I, he was talking about going home to St Louis, where he's from, and he called it his Home with a capital H, and NYC is his home with a lowercase H. It was an interesting thing to think about. For the rest of my life, when asked where I'm from, I'll have to fit DeKalb in there somewhere, regardless of how long it's been since I've been back, so  it's my capital H. And at the present time, Columbia is my lowercase, but in time, my lowercase can, and in all probability, will be in at least a handful of other places.  It's weird being in a transitional point in life. After graduation in December, I don't know where my home will be--At least the lowercase. I'll always appreciate my capital, but for now, I'm kind of missing my lowercase and my real life.

That's the next thing, how can I be in New York City missing boofoo Columbia? It's like when you're on vacation; it's amazing and so new and exciting, and ideally you'd love to spend forever there. But realistically, eventually it's time to get back to your normal life.  It's kind of like I'm living a lie or faking for three months. In all honesty, I think I could move to NYC and live here permanently and enjoy it. But at this point, this isn't regular life for me, so it's weird. Granted I've never been good at appreciating the present. I have a hard time being content and living in the moment, I'm either nostalgic for the past, or anxiously anticipating the future. But I'm not being ungrateful for this experience, or wishing away the summer  to speed up my arrival back in Columbia, I just think it's important to note that this isn't really real life. And I miss real life.

That concept is just weird because I don't ever miss DeKalb. Probably because my regular life hasn't been in DeKalb for almost four years, it's more of a visiting destination now. I remember I was here in November for this 2-day career workshop; it was when I first fell in love with the city and swore I'd find a way to be back here for the summer. But I'd met and networked with Mizzou alum and CBS correspondent